01/04/2022
- Decisions & demons-
First overslept, went to bed late last night. I feel more relaxed, I think a load has been lifted off my shoulders. Still a slight feeling of confusion in my head but it's not screaming so loud now. Didn't silence it but tamed it, can handle it now. Suddenly the day looks very different. I feel a kind of drive in me that is completely new to me. Difficult to describe.
It is based on a confident feeling of absolute openness. No shame comes to my mind.
I'm fascinated and curious, then suddenly there's control that I've been given, I decide now. The only question is again: Am I making the right or wrong decision? Or maybe in the end it doesn't matter at all whether I made the right or wrong decision and who actually decides on its definition. Is the picture clouded by the gray veil of society? Waves of color and emotion burn into this surreal moment of reality, distorting it into a feverish dream-like eternity.
Snap! bam! bam!
It brings me back to the here and now. I'm now wondering if the demon I'm carrying is destroying me or if I have to accept it and transform its energy into something positive. Not fight him, defeat him, wipe him out? I see it as the yin in me, the black part in me. Without lows there are no highs, you only appreciate good days because you have had bad ones before. I can only appreciate my yang, my light side, in duality with awareness of my dark side.
