01/06/2022
- Liberation-
Slightly high, sweltering heat, 11am start work. Can't put into words what happened yesterday. I feel more relaxed and at ease than I have in a long time. Not just a superficial feeling of calm because you may not have an appointment anymore or everything is going well.
My soul has come to rest.
I try to feel into this feeling to understand where exactly it comes from. What is the trigger? What is the underlying emotion? It may be the feeling of being in complete control of a situation. Doesn't that fuel my New Year's Eve realization that deep down I'm very possessive and that also comes with control? This possessiveness in me relates much more to my partner, not so much to situations. But this view is also crumbling. There have always been cracks, deep desires or desires and the question of what if.
Now I bathe in the light that shone through the cracks before.
The wall still exists and I don't want it to disappear or be torn down. I want it to transform itself into something that emits the same light as that shining through the cracks. I feel liberated like never before, liberated from every burden and I wonder if this is what life feels like. If so, what was it like before that? I have noticed this side of myself for a long time and have also learned to accept it, but only in theory. Never before have I been in a situation where I could pursue this part of my inner self so intensely. And then I suddenly rise to another sphere, no longer yesterday, no longer tomorrow.
