12/15/2021
- Appreciation -
The short conversation last night felt really good. I feel safer again. Fear only pops up here and there. But such a brief exchange in the evening shouldn't become a habit, even if I'd rather have nothing more than her near me. But that would defeat the purpose of the distance. It's fine the way it is for now.
I can feel how I perceived her very differently yesterday than before.
Maybe it's the toxic “we”, this absolute co-dependency that's slowly starting to dissipate. She wasn't just there like she used to be. Where there was resignation before, there is now appreciation. The time with her is precious, I've forgotten that over the years. I think these mini therapy sessions help us become more aware of our own feelings.
At the end we hugged each other for a long time.
It was indescribable to feel her so close to me again. I could feel her absorbing every moment. Even if it's only been a few days since we weren't that close, there hasn't been a really noticeable emotional connection like this hug between us for a long time.
