12/18/2021
- Therapy session -
We're talking about what happened yesterday. We agree that something like this will not become a habit now, even though we both enjoyed it immensely. It would only soften the line we set. But what we also concede: If one of us really feels such an urge for closeness in our hearts, then we are there for each other. Torturing yourself just for the sake of pride wouldn't help either. In the last few days, unlike at the beginning, we have seen and spoken to each other at least briefly every evening.
For me, these short conversations often feel like a little therapy session.
There is a lot of talk about how we feel in this situation now, what thoughts open up. In today's session, I'll help her understand why, unlike her, I don't see this breakup as the end of our relationship. For her, the crucial thing is the fear that arises from this separation through which I would change. But for me it's more a feeling of conviction, of confidence. For the first time I am really convinced of myself that I can change myself profoundly and sustainably because this time I feel that I am only doing it for myself and not primarily because she wants it that way or because she would like me to be one way or the other. It's not selfish if I think to myself that I should be the most important person in my life. I'm not saying I'm going to be totally selfish from now on.
