12/24/2021
- My saddest Christmas -
I wake up, check my phone to see if I need to make breakfast for two. All I can find is more uncertainty. She didn't reply to me but was online at 2.30am. Did she just have to go to the bathroom? Had she even gone to sleep when she told me yesterday? I feel totally paranoid and wonder if I'm just reading too much into it. But I have a huge fear inside me that something is wrong. I'm on my way to do some yoga but thought I'd ask Love if she would like to join to motivate her, to show her that I'm trying. When I knock on her door there is no answer, I hear noises. I knock again and hear the shower start. Did she ignore me on purpose?
She doesn't call in all day.
From time to time she asks me how my day has been so far. She doesn't respond to my messages either, doesn't even read them, even though she was online. Shortly before 9pm she texts me dryly that she is going to karaoke. I'm disappointed, sad because she's standing me up. Even though we may not be a couple anymore, I firmly assumed that we would at least spend Christmas together as best friends, call our families. It feels like a punch in the stomach to me.
I could just cry right now.
Even though I wasn't in the Christmas spirit before, I don't even want to facetime my family right now. I don't want to see anyone at all. This situation is driving me insane. I then decide to stop by the pub. I meet two French couples who work with me. One talks about how much she misses her family, which makes me feel even more crappy. Suddenly more and more people join us until finally almost the whole crew is gathered at the pool. At some point Love joins us when she comes back from the other pub. Suddenly everything seems to be fine again, she talks to me normally. The mood is good and I forget how bad I felt all day. We're all in the same boat, everyone's far from home, far from family.
