12/29/2021
- Discord -
Woke up with a message from her, a long message. A lot of criticism of me, some justified, others I find less so. But the question is: Why is she bothering to write this text? If she absolutely can't imagine a future with me anymore, does she just want to hurt me or hasn't she given up on the whole thing yet? I ask her about her intention. She does not know. She says she is afraid of the unknown and of being alone. But that's not a healthy basis for a relationship.
"I'll be better without you, I don't want to get my hopes up anymore because otherwise I'll be disappointed even more."
When I read that, a feeling of panic rises in me, again the fear of losing her forever. And then I realize that she's right, at least in part. In the short term she'll be better, I just have too much hatred for me built up. She must go in search of herself alone. Then I'm sure she'll be able to see the good, beautiful moments we had together again and long for them. I take the initiative in the conversation and suggest several options for how we could proceed now.
We decide to stay in Port Hedland with as little contact as possible for the rest of the time.
No chatting via WhatsApp, no eating pizza together in the evening and exchanging ideas briefly. After that she has to decide whether she can imagine traveling with me again or whether we can go our own way for a little longer. We'll see in 6 weeks. Even though we've made that deal now and there's still hope, she ends the conversation by saying it doesn't mean we're 100% going to get back together. Discord. Good and bad. Light and darkness.
