12/26/2021
- The Elle incident -
I wake up feeling like shit, my throat hurts from all the smoking yesterday, my head from all the beers. But she is next to me. Laying down behind her, my hand on her thigh, makes me forget everything. We snooze in bed, change caravans, go over to her and continue snoozing there. I forgot to mention one crucial thing yesterday: relatively late in the evening, a colleague came up to me, hugged me and said Elle, the work colleague I was chilling with in front of my caravan, was obviously into me. He says I have the choice. I wasn't aware of that at all. Was that so obvious?
Even though she's beautiful and I get along really well with her, I've already decided on Love.
That's exactly what I tell my colleague. It's noon now and I'm lying by the pool with a few others when Elizabeth, my crazy colleague from the bar, says out of nowhere:
"Life gives you many options but it's all about the decisions you make".
Coincidence? Anyone want to tell me something? Later, Love also tells me that I flirted with my Elle, like full on, but in my eyes I didn't see it that way at all. That makes me think. From my point of view, I just listened to her with interest, paid her some attention. Yesterday there was the following situation: I'm sitting with this colleague, Elle, plus another colleague and she remarks that the other colleague often looks at her breasts when talking, I never did that, she says. I wonder if being respectful of the opposite sex, putting that aside and just looking at the person as a human being and giving them the attention that you would like to get yourself, is already sending out signals that can be interpreted as flirting? Is such interaction with the opposite sex so rare that it is automatically seen as a form of loving affection? If I go deep inside and think about it, or investigate a lot more, then it might actually be some kind of love. No romantic
“I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life”
love. In this case, it's someone who has confided in me about having problems with anxiety, who is introverted and doesn't go to the pub with the others every single night, but sometimes is by themselves. I just want someone like Elle to have a good time, maybe get over her anxiety, just give her a hand. That's why I invited her to come over, because she might be able to handle this situation better than with a lot of people in the pub and realizes that someone is interested in her too. All I want is to be a good person whose actions make the world a little bit better, even if it's just a brief moment in a person's life, it makes all the difference. The hard part is just not forgetting myself and undermining my priorities.
