01/08/2022
- Maximum liberation -
Woke up but still dreaming. Elle was just a little uncomfortable at first, after that she was just too drunk. I also text her a lot to make sure she doesn't feel left alone with her experiences. Late evening, sitting by the pool with some colleagues. Elizabeth describes very figuratively how she waxes her asshole. I walk across this square and with every step I take I feel like I'm stepping through the space. I feel totally liberated and in tune with every particle around me.
Invulnerable, I am everything and everything is me. Attached to nothing connected to everything.
Find myself in a role that I can now give more awareness and space to. I draw an almost endless amount of self-confidence from it. I've always had the question of whether I'm worth enough, whether jdjdfjfkfdbdbdi brrr bbrrzzz -Brain_error. Smoked so many joints again today, it's hard for me to think clearly, I can only vaguely grasp my thoughts.
But I don't use my head now, I sense, feel, observe
No more thinking and analyzing. I'm totally in the moment, she's submissive, I'm dominant. For me it's like an art form, creating a stage, a sphere in which it's all about surrendering to the desire. The maximum liberation, shedding all the shackles that call themselves conventions. Brain out, indulge in each moment as if it were the only one ever.
A moment for eternity.
This is how it feels to be truly present in the here and now, to live every moment. It's quarter past one in the morning and as I write this I'm realizing how precious what I'm doing here is. Even if I have to get up at 5 in the morning and only get 4 hours of sleep, I still know that it is more important to write down the thoughts I have now before they are gone tomorrow. I believe that I can not only help myself to better understand myself, my nature. This shows that men also have an inner emotional world. We were told not to show emotions, men are strong, feelings are something for women. But what does that mean? Anger, confusion, jealousy. Past trauma. Ego. All these things keep us from living a happy life in harmony with ourselves and everything around us.
